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Many are their own worst critic and this statement is true of my own life. For many years I have been a self-declared critic. I have held off from forgiving myself from my own mistakes or anything that I deemed unworthy or that I did not think was able to be forgiven of.
In attempts to move forward with my progression in life and from moving on from the hurt of love, I needed to forgive. In my mind, moving on is the same as forgiving and this is false. I thought I had already forgiven but the love from a friend helped me realize (she told me) that I had not forgiven. That I would not be able to move on until I had forgiven my ex from the hurt I felt she caused me to feel.
(As a note: the hurt I feel she caused is not something I blame her for. It is my own feelings. She may see it as I hurt her and I see it as she hurt me. The pain caused and how it is caused is shifted based on the viewpoint, what you see is through your own eyes)
Forgiveness comes from the heart not the mind. It takes time, patience and the love of Christ to actually grasp and accomplish forgiveness. It is not easy but absolutely necessary.
My path of forgiveness started with me thinking that I needed to reach out and apologize to my ex. This was not a path that led to forgiveness. In fact, the conversations that were attempted did not end well or bring the overwhelming feeling of forgiveness I anticipated to feel. If anything they caused me to feel anger.
My path of forgiveness did not include my ex or seeing a therapist. It was a very special moment that was shared in prayer between myself and my Heavenly Father. I prayed with all my heart and might and begged for the capacity to forgive. This was the first time I ever felt the capacity and the gift of the ability to forgive by seeing through the eyes of my creator; my loving Father in a Heaven. He cared for me enough and gave me this gift.
This new capacity to forgive has allowed me to forgive myself. I have become better by allowing myself to feel the love that comes from forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a burden-free path and a path that allowed me to feel greater love for another person than I have ever felt. Not a romantic love, but the love that a perfect being (a Father) has for His child.
Anger, fear, trials, frustration, and the thought of detrimental loss that can cause one to lose hope is not the only path. It may be an easier path but the road it takes you down is one that does not lead to our Heavenly Father at the end of it. The true path of forgiveness leads to peace, love, and understanding.
Forgiveness brought me the best gift. The gift of progression, of love and of renewed faith.
I am stronger in my faith today because of the trials I faced yesterday. Forgiveness has made me whole.